I felt like my last post was very effective in that it shows that men, women, young, and old are affected by pornography. I defended the fact that a lot of the times it is not controlled and that people want to be out of addiction but sometimes find it harder than they are capable of to beat. What I do not want to be mistaken is that I know that pornography is inexcusable and evil. It affects everyone in our lives whether we know it or not. Especially, for men - it affects our wives, our mothers, our sisters, our girlfriends, our fiances, our best girl friends, etc. You get the point.
I think this picture can accurately represents the devastation of a wife or mother of someone who suffers from pornography addiction. I have so many stories of people who were affected by the fact that someone they cared about had the hidden life of pornography addiction. I'm only going to share a couple of these right now - but I can promise that we will be coming back to this subject again and again.
I was talking to a friend of mine at work today who told me that she had previously had a boyfriend who was addicted to pornography. To summarize, she simply said "Every time he kissed me, I wondered if he was thinking about another girl that he had seen on the websites. I wondered if I was sexy enough for him or good enough. I wondered if he would just rather totally be with another girl."
Can you imagine being trapped inside of a marriage and wondering those same things when intimacy occured and other forms of affection were being granted?
"William's wife didn't have a chance. It didn't matter how attractive she was. William wanted her blonder, taller, thinner, and to have a larger bust. He wanted her to resemble the type of women that he had become used to when viewing pornography.
"A group of 94 women were studied. These were women whose partners and husbands were involved with pornography. More than half reported that their partners were no longer sexually interested in them. It was a terrifying thought for soon to be bride Kristi, a 24-year-old college student from Southwestern Idaho.
"It's always in the back of my mind," she said. She said she hasn't talked to her fiance about pornography because it would be "way too awkward", even "accusatory". However, a different young woman had that kind of chat with her fiance. Now, instead of using her time deciding whether to frost her wedding cake with fondant or Viennese buttercream, she's learning to deal with a broken engagement by seeing her therapist." (Deseret News Article, "Pornography Grips You With Claws")
The reason I'm bringing this up tonight is because I heard of another thing that has bugged me for the last couple of days. I heard of a man who, in order to "recover" from his addiction, was asking his wife to play out different things that he had seen in his pornography videos. My first thought when I heard this was "Well, that's just stupid. That's not going to help at all - that's just going to make the situation worse." And it kept bugging me. I realized that this was an example of how much pornography addiction can ruin men. I thought it was so sad that that man would sabotage the virtue of his wife to play out what he thought was pleasurable and delicious - and which soon cost him what should have been most precious to him when his wife divorced him.
I was talking to someone earlier today and told them an experience I had just a week or so ago when I was with someone that I cared about having a great conversation. We were eating dinner in a crowded restaraunt and when I was looking into her eyes while she was saying something, one of the deepest, darkest pornographic images I had seen in my life, years before, came into my head and I could not get it out to save my life. I think my friend noticed this because it was something that I'm sure I was sweating bullets about. It took me a long time to get it out of my head and refocused for the night, but I just felt nauseated the rest of the night and a couple of days after. I was so mad that I had disrespected her, and the women in my family, and many other countless girls who in someway were affected by my earlier choices. I know that it sabotaged relationships of mine in the past as well.
I want to declare in the most straightforward language that I have, men, that pornography is an evil abomination. I know you struggle with it. I know for many of us, it is hard to beat and that we are trying with all of our might to. I want it clear that those reasons give us no excuse. It does not give you an excuse to disrespect those women who care about you and would give their lives for you to help you be happy. It's not fair to them and in the long run, it's not fair to you either.
I'm going to continue on this tomorrow while actually talking about the women involved DIRECTLY in the pornography business. I hope tonight's post has been helpful. Please, if you have any comments, do not be afraid to put them in.